For many whose IVF journey doesn't end with a baby, it's a devastating loss.
And any debt linked to treatment can be a painful reminder of that loss, making the grieving process even more difficult.
"If you take out debt for IVF or similar fertility treatments, and have the child you want because of it, it can be seen as a success," says Jay Zigmont, US-based founder and CEO of financial planning firm Childfree Wealth.
"On the other hand, if IVF does not give you the child you want, it can be seen as a failure."
Childlessness grief counsellor and lived experience advocate Sarah Roberts, who underwent IVF for a decade, says it's not just financial debt people are left to deal with, either.
There are also missed opportunities, such as career progression put on hold during treatment, as well as what she calls the "debt of regret".
And Ms Roberts says childless people are forced to completely rethink the financial model they've had in mind for themselves; one where they saw a future with kids.
The shame and pain of IVF debt
The disenfranchised grief of childlessness coupled with shame around money means many childless people don't talk about their struggle with IVF debt, says Ms Roberts, who is based in Brisbane/Meanjin.
"There can be a lot of opinions and judgement that women receive around reproductive choices — like they left it too late, or they are desperate, or why did they spend so much money.
"The flip side is they can feel like they are judged for not trying enough."
Dr Zigmont, who considers himself childfree, but not by choice, says being unable to meet society's expectations of becoming a parent can make people feel "unworthy".
"And where debt is seen as a negative in general, adding on 'failure' [to become a parent] can take a serious personal toll."
He says some childless people are not able to "truly start" the grieving process until that debt is gone.
"For clients with IVF debt, I often focus on paying that off first, even if it is not the highest-interest debt.
"Paying off IVF debt may be the first step towards healing."
IVF debt also 'missed opportunities'
In Australia, one IVF cycle costs on average of between $10,000 and $12,000.
Childless people with debt for fertility treatment may have taken out a loan, borrowed money or used a payment plan through a clinic to fund it, Ms Roberts says.
But that isn't the only debt they are likely dealing with.
"There can also be debt around opportunities missed," she explains, for example someone not being able to purchase a home because they were funding treatment, or staying in a job they were unhappy in because of the parental leave entitlements.
"It may have really felt like their life was on hold."
Ms Roberts says relationships can be impacted too.
"Missing out on opportunities to connect with siblings' children or friends' children because they weren't in the space to be OK in those relationships."
Clients have shared with Ms Roberts feelings of regret around choices made with becoming a parent in mind.
"Debt around what they are telling themselves about the choices they made, and the outcome not being what they wanted."
She says the IVF process can also take a toll on a person's physical health and mental wellbeing.
"Even the support you need to right your ship and keep sailing in life — those are the hidden debts."
A different 'script' for childless people
The "standard life script" for people is to go to school, get married, buy a house, work 25 years, retire, and pass on money to the next generation, Dr Zigmont says.
"It can be easier for childfree people who choose to leave the standard path by choice."
But for people who are childless not by choice, he says "it can be much harder", often involving a grieving process for the life they thought they were going to live, before they can envision a different one.
"Childfree [and childless] people need to create their own life plan, which can be both exhilarating and terrifying," says Dr Zigmont.
And while people without kids often have more flexibility and freedom with money, he says it doesn't necessarily "make you rich".
"Income disparities still exist [and] childless people [may] start with a lower net worth due to IVF debt."
Moving forward
While IVF debt isn't necessarily a mistake, Dr Zigmont says it can feel that way.
For that reason, he says people need to give themselves grace and reach out for support.
"You don't have to do this alone. Join childless communities and you will find others going through the same struggles."
The World Childless Week website shares resources including support groups and specialist counsellors.
Ms Roberts says while coming to terms with childlessness can be "incredibly heartbreaking", it is doable.
"The whole process is a life that you didn't choose, but it's also potentially a really unique and beautiful life as well."
She says people should know it's OK to create space to spend time making sense of it all.
"One of the things that can happen for women financially, when they're coming to terms with childlessness, is realising they've carried a financial model in their minds that is a parenting financial model," she says, such as purchasing a home and building an asset base to "pass onto children".
"Coming to terms with childlessness means we can examine those aspects of our lives and question if that model still works for me now in my life."
