While there is growing understanding around the use of coercive control in intimate partner violence, less is known about how children experience this kind of abuse.
Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviours used to instil fear, dominate or isolate someone over time, explains Kate Fitz-Gibbon, a leading violence against women academic at Monash University.
There have been growing calls for coercive control to be criminalised across the country. NSW and Queensland have now made it a standalone offence.
To understand its impact on children, Professor Fitz-Gibbon recently spoke with 53 young people aged 13–18 who have experienced different forms of domestic, family and sexual violence.
She found they commonly experienced coercive control from parents under the guise of parental discipline, with "incredibly significant" and lifelong impacts.
The children often felt confused about whether what was happening was abuse, says Professor Fitz-Gibbon, because of its mislabelling as discipline.
"It's quite difficult for a child, particularly, to [identify] where behaviours are normal parenting techniques, and the point it becomes … a pattern of abuse over time."
And it's what makes help-seeking particularly difficult for children experiencing abuse.
Warning: The story describes instances of child abuse.
Coercive control in parent-child relationships
Children can experience coercive control by a caregiver, sibling or any authority figure, explains Zena Burgess, CEO at the Australian Psychological Society.
"It's a really insidious pattern of behaviour, where children are deprived freedom and independence."
She says guilt, manipulation and fear are used to isolate victim-survivors.
"It incorporates the threat of violence or ways of restricting a victim's freedom like spending time with particular friends, or participating in particular activities, or bodily autonomy or emotional expression."
Professor Fitz-Gibbon says coercive control from a parent or caregiver makes children fearful for their autonomy and safety on a day-to-day basis.
"We've heard from many adult victim-survivors descriptions of walking on eggshells.
"That's what it's like for children as well — where the family home was not safe or predictable.
"They're afraid of the consequences of any misstep."
In many of the cases Professor Fitz-Gibbon spoke to young people about, coercive control was occurring alongside physical or sexual abuse.
One teen described being treated like he was in jail.
"All the creature comforts and safety tools that a young person has that make a house feel like a home were taken out of his bedroom," Professor Fitz-Gibbon says.
"He was not allowed to move freely around the home. Access to food and water was restricted."
She says the relationship was "purely transactional" and "there was no love".
How it differs from discipline
Coercive control involves "intense control" of movement and autonomy, beyond what you would expect within the realm of day-to-day parenting, explains Professor Fitz-Gibbon.
Whereas rules related to parental discipline have clear and rational purposes, says Dr Burgess.
"There is a rationale and it is explained in a gentle and age-appropriate way."
And there are "age-appropriate consequences" if rules are broken.
"It's also about having clear and consistent rules. And having predictable behaviours yourself [as the parent].
"That's a normal part of raising children."
The Raising Children Network says discipline is about guiding children towards positive behaviour, and says a warm and loving relationship with your child is essential, as are praise, encouragement and positive attention.
It says discipline is appropriate only for children aged three years and over.
Silke Meyer is a professor of social work at Griffith University and says because there is certain level of influence that comes with parental responsibility, that can make it easier for perpetrators to minimise or deny abusive behaviours.
"[But] if the behaviours are harmful, then it's problematic for the child and the relationship, and the everyday family functioning, regardless of what we call it."
Professor Meyer says the more threatened the adult perpetrator feels in terms of losing power and control, the more likely they are to implement rigid guidelines and social isolation.
The impact
Professor Meyer says the impact coercive control has on children is similar to what we know of adult victim-survivors.
"We don't really have a lot of [research] in the young people space available yet, but we know it's very often those subtle mechanisms, non-physical targeted and strategic forms of abuse that have far-reaching consequences.
"Post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, social isolation, mental health concerns leading to eating disorders, for example."
Professor Fitz-Gibbon says there are the immediate impacts of the abuse, but also long-term consequences that can touch "all aspects of their lives".
"[Victim-survivors] are more likely to experience adverse mental health outcomes, substance abuse, negative socio-economic outcomes, and also disengage from education."
More education needed
Many of the young people Professor Fitz-Gibbon spoke to thought their experiences were related to normal parental discipline, only to later realise it was not acceptable.
"This means for young people, if they are thinking this is acceptable, they are not knowing they could be reaching out for services and supports to improve their safety."
She says some also acknowledged their parents believed what they were doing was disciplinary, and not abusive.
"They emphasised wanting their parents to get more education … they wanted them to better understand the behaviour was unacceptable, and the impact it had."
Professor Meyer says while there are many barriers to adult victim-survivors escaping violence, those barriers are even greater for children.
"Very often people include intent in the definition of coercive control. It's designed to intimate, manipulate, control and trap in the in a relationship they would otherwise have a choice of leaving.
"Which is complicated for a children; they don't have a choice to leave."
Dr Burgess says most of us learn about parenting from our own experience of being parented.
"If may be that we want to do the reverse, but we often repeat it.
"If you feel like you are not able to manage disciplining your child, or creating appropriate rules, it's one of the very common things people go to therapy with a psychologist to learn about being a better parent."
Professor Meyer recommends parents chat to their trusted GP to be connected with options that may help them improve their parenting, such as courses like Circle of Security or Triple P - Positive Parenting Program.
For parents and caregivers wanting support related to their own behaviours they may be concerned about, they can reach out to 1800 RESPECT as a first step. Men can also reach out to MensLine Australia.
If you are concerned a child you know may be experiencing coercive control, reach out to 1800 RESPECT for advice.
If they are in immediate danger, contact triple-0.
