Caroline Flack admitted she had been having an "emotional breakdown" for a "very long time" in her final unpublished Instagram post
The 40-year-old presenter took her own life at the weekend and now her family have shared an entry she planned to post on the social media app but was advised not to because she was reflecting on her arrest for allegedly assaulting boyfriend Lewis Burton
22 February 2020
She wrote in the post, which has been given to the Eastern Daily Press: "For a lot of people, being arrested for common assault is an extreme way to have some sort of spiritual awakening but for me it's become the normal.
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"I've been pressing the snooze button on many stresses in my life - for my whole life. I've accepted shame and toxic opinions on my life for over 10 years and yet told myself it's all part of my job. No complaining.
"The problem with brushing things under the carpet is .... they are still there and one day someone is going to lift that carpet up and all you are going to feel is shame and embarrassment.
"On December the 12th 2019 I was arrested for common assault on my boyfriend ...Within 24 hours my whole world and future was swept from under my feet and all the walls that I had taken so long to build around me, collapsed. I am suddenly on a different kind of stage and everyone is watching it happen."
The 'Love Island' presenter insisted she was "not a domestic abuser" and the events of the evening in December were simply "an accident".
She continued: "I have always taken responsibility for what happened that night. Even on the night. But the truth is .... It was an accident.
"I've been having some sort of emotional breakdown for a very long time.
"But I am NOT a domestic abuser. We had an argument and an accident happened. An accident. The blood that someone SOLD to a newspaper was MY blood and that was something very sad and very personal."
Caroline went on to apologise to her loved ones and admitted she was struggling to figure out how she'd get her "life back".
She added: "The reason I am talking today is because my family can't take anymore. I've lost my job. My home. My ability to speak. And the truth has been taken out of my hands and used as entertainment.
"I can't spend every day hidden away being told not to say or speak to anyone.
"I'm so sorry to my family for what I have brought upon them and for what my friends have had to go through.
"I'm not thinking about 'how I'm going to get my career back.' I'm thinking about how I'm going to get mine and my family's life back.
"I can't say anymore than that."
Caroline's mother, Chris, explained she'd decided to share the post so people could read the presenter's "own words" about her feelings.
She said: "Carrie sent me this message at the end of January but was told not to post it by advisers but she so wanted to have her little voice heard.
"So many untruths were out there but this is how she felt and my family and I would like people to read her own words.
"Carrie was surrounded by love and friends but this was just too much for her.
"Her friends Molly, Lou, Sam, Liam and Simon need a very special mention and lots of thanks for trying so hard to keep her safe.
"Jody her twin sister was there her whole life for her but this time nothing could take away the hurt of such injustice
"As Carrie would say: 'In a nasty world just be kind.'
"It was describing how she was feeling and what she had gone through - no more than that. It was not blaming anyone or pointing any fingers."